The Faces of Unemployment

Although I'm not quite sure I can match this fellow, facial hair for hair, despite the fact that the older I get it seems there is always something to pluck, pick or shave, I believe after four months of unemployment I may be taking on a strong resemblance to his physique. I try to convince myself that the mirror in all of its brilliant bevelment doesn't necessarily give an accurate reflection of self, but confusion vanishes and truth becomes self-evident when the scale reflects its wicked numerical renderings back at me and I am forced to admit the mirror is as honest as it is reflective.

Always slight of build at 18 years old I was 5'2 and weighed 85 lbs. Happily I consumed large bowls of Mint Chocolate Chip, Chocolate Marshmallow and Rum Raisin ice cream and Tastycakes, the chocolate ones, with the cream in the middle and the vanilla icing with the chocolate stripe down the middle. But twenty years have passed, and a few glasses of red wine, margaritas, a few chips and hundreds of tomato salsa products later the 85 lbs. have multiplied to 110 lbs.

So what's 25 pounds in 20 years you may say; but if we continue to follow the same mathematical sequence, by the time I am 60 I will be 5'2 140 lbs and will not only resemble this fine fellow, but may be mistaken for his sister. The powers that be will take me to slaughter, possibly at a time when political correctness may no longer be revered and there will be no green groups or politicians left to save the older pigs for an elderly pig farm retirement community. All my years of paying into the system will have been for naught. There will be no Social Security or Medicare, only a space for me on an oiled and industrialized slab waiting to be packaged by my new caretaker Oscar Mayer!

No I must keep my lips sealed. I must not reach for those potato chips or that chocolate chip cookie. I must stop convincing myself that one more glass of red wine will lower my cholesterol to that enviable number, whatever it may be. As I continue to look for that job, wherever it may be, I must stop having lunch after each interview. I must drink black tea or coffee rather than a Starbucks Carmel Macchiato at each Internet cafe I visit; and I must skip that cocktail after the ending of each vacuous interview. Yes I will vow to keep control and composure over what enters my lips, but while I do this .....I will most likely post a recipe for Split Pea with Pistachio soup in one of my next posts.

So in closing always remember Bon Appetite and keep those lips sealed! :o)